I have been intending on writing something since the beginning of January and since we are almost at the end, which I cannot believe, I am kicking procrastination's ass out of the studio.
This year has started off great especially since I have way more studio time but it is taking some time to adapt. I quit my job at the end of 2017 without much of a financial plan. I have always been someone who needed to take big risks or else I don't do the things I want to do. I have quit jobs, moved and gotten married all with a certain faith that everything would be fine but leaving a stable situation with the intention accepting myself as an artist just felt too scary.
My depression and anxiety have been flaring up but I trying not to shove it down. I am trying to let myself be free. I have returned to a regular yoga practice. I am reading more. I am just trying to feel peaceful and to treat myself well.
I am ambitious and in some ways, I still measure success monetarily but I am trying to move away from that. I want to sell things I make because I love creating. But more than making money, I love being able to do exactly what I want to every day. I am healthier and happier when I can give my body and mind the freedom to not do exactly what I want them to. One night of insomnia doesn't turn into a full week of a fucked up schedule.
I am still adapting. I have been feeling blocked the last few days but I can take action. I can exercise, read, nap, snack, masturbate, etc. I still need to drag myself out of isolation and see people but I am working on it.
This blog will be a record of what I am up to. I want to be able to look back this time next year and see that I was not stagnating. I am nervous but, more than anything, I'm excited.